Recently I had a situation that made me question my own behavior toward a friend. After I left several phone and text messages with no reply or response I began to wonder what I had done wrong. Had I offended? Was there an issue that I had overlooked and why was I not receiving a simple reply?
What had I done wrong?
I put it aside for some time and I have since resolved this issue but it got me thinking about why I thought it was something I had done! What had I done wrong? Is my own self esteem so low that it must be something about me, when in fact there could have been some perfectly sound explanation why I was left wondering?
Reflecting further I realise this is a Self-Confidence issue. Strangely I thought I was a reasonably confident person but as a kid this was not the case… I have worked hard to cultivate an attitude of quiet confidence… but when challenged, reverting back to “it must be something that I said, did or didn’t do”! We should remember that Self-Confidence is not Ego focused…. lets go there another time.
So, why is ‘it’ ( self -Confidence) important? Consider that Self-Confidence gives you the resolve to walk away from potentially harmful situations ( many and varied ). Its not only about being able to hold space and address a room full of people.
With no self confidence you think you should stay, continue and compromise your personal peace. We commit to things because of expectations and pressure applied by others around us. Even rushing a difficult decision under the pressure of a very competent sales person can challenge your Self -Confidence by being talked into a purchase that is just not right for you. We can all cite examples of feeling under pressure to rush headlong, forging ahead and then feeling bad about the eventual outcome.
Self -Confidence allows you to move slower, speak softly and communicate in a way that is not so ‘full throttle’. Clearly then Self-Confidence increases your Personal Power.
” It enables you to stand happily and quietly in a gap of ignorance and let everyone wait until you are ready” Anthea Church
How to gain self-confidence?
Anthea Church suggests
” one way is to talk, not to others but to yourself, in moments of insecurity, its warming to talk to someone else, but it is safe to talk to yourself because inside there is a reserve of love that will see you through anything…..after talking to yourself, giving nerves a niche (place) to quietly panic in , then it’s best to “do”. Action, together with quiet love, kills nerves and creates a reserve of courage that, stored, can be drawn on later…”
So, becoming an observer of your own behaviour and making that curious enquiry is courageous and sometimes confronting but rewarding as you learn more about what is getting in the way of your personal peacefulness and happiness.
I look forward to your thoughts…..
Anthea Church ( 1994): Inner Beauty, A book of Virtues. Eternity Inc Australia
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